Deadly odors

Goodbye winter! Hello spring! While in other parts of Spain this does not automatically translate to warm weather, in Malaga and in most coastal provinces in the south it does. There is no more use for thick and stylish winter coats. No more decorative mufflers. In the run-up to summer, fashion shifts toward plain shirts, rubber shoes, beach shorts, open-toed sandals. Temperatures are rising and because of that people sweat more. The transition from night to day can confuse somebody who's not from here. At 8 pm it's still possible to lie naked in the balcony and sunbathe. Yet there's hardly a trace of sunlight at 7:30 am.

Now, let me repeat something that I just said. People sweat more. Which is, actually, the sadness of it all. Riding the bus can never be so traumatizing as it is this time of the year. With the bus windows closed, it is possible to die from smelling sweaty armpits. It doesn't help to open the windows since the buses here have probably the narrowest windows on the planet. In fact, in case of a fire, not even a baby can escape through the windows, the only way to get out is to break them. Thus, in such an enclosed space, a suspicious odor can spread and propagate itself fast. Sitting beside a stinky old man in the bus, you are forced to choose between not breathing (the more hygienic option) and gasping for polluted armpit air. Both of these options are unfortunately deadly. You could either expire from lack of oxygen, or you could expose your bronchial tubes to serious damage and develop fatal lung problems in the long run.

Either way, the experience makes you realize that deodorant manufacturers aren't making that much money in Spain. It could even lead you to practice pyschology or attempt a bit of philosophizing: Why does this cretin seated beside me not use a roll-on? Perhaps something went terribly wrong in his childhood. Perhaps he was abused by the quirky ice cream vendor in the neighborhood...Is odor, like beauty, in the eyes of the beholder?

In winter, unlike in spring, everybody is fresh and clean-smelling. But as temperatures rise, the Spanish ability to wreak havoc on the health of your nostrils becomes a daily fact of life. Take for example one of my students. Lately it's become terrifying to teach him English for one and a half hours in his study room. He recently gave up wearing shoes in the house due to the changing of the seasons. Instead, he wears foamed slippers which are more comfortable in warm weather. The only problem is that he's got athlete's foot, and every time I'm with him I can almost see the stinking fumes rising from his feet and preparing to invade my poor nostrils.

The thing is, I can't even put up a fight. It's not polite to cover my nose all throughout the class!