Dark skies

I hate dark skies. In Malaga, we've been getting a lot of dark skies lately and the feeling that one gets by looking at them is generally cold. The clouds always seem heavy these days and it's hard to see a patch of blue. So I was surprised when I woke up this morning and found that the park outside my flat was blanketed with sunshine! What a pleasant view it was! I even managed to write a poem, and I feel quite good because I'd stopped doing it for some five years already. Reminds me somehow of my college "literary" past, but at the same time it feels odd to be doing it again. Anyway, here's the poem I just wrote.

Hilaga

Pa-hilaga
ang daang
babagtasin nitong mga paang
hahakbang unti-unti,
papalayo.
Mag-iiwan sila ng yapak
sa rutang walang malay
na iguguhit
subalit hinding-hindi sila
babalik.
Magbabaon lang sila
ng lupa sa talampakan
at sa pagitan ng mga daliri.
Aakyat sila ng bundok
at mamumuo ang putik
sa loob ng kanilang kuko,
tutubo ang mahapding balat
sa talampakan.
Lalangoy sila sa dagat
at mangungulubot
sa lamig.
Pagsapit ng gabi,
dadalawin sila sa panaginip
ng hilaga, at magbubulugan
sa pagtulog ang mga daliri:
Gusto naming matunton ang hilaga.
Paano kung matuklasan nilang
ang hilaga pala'y kathang-isip?

Sunday lunch

I met with my Brazilian buddies Patricia, Julia and Adesly this afternoon to have lunch in a Brazilian restaurant to celebrate Patricia's third year in Spain. I'd promised myself not to pig out, as I usually do in eat-all-you-can restaurants, but there was simply so much food! The waiters kept on making the rounds to drop off all sorts of grilled meat on your plate that you hardly have time to breathe and think before taking the next bite. We went out of the restaurant exceptionally fed, and with bloated tummies! Here are some pics...

Loss of knowledge

There is a certain experience in my life that I have been through a couple of times but which I don't how to describe without sounding vague or ridiculous. If you happen to be reading this and have had the same experience, be sure to leave a message. For the lack of a precise term, I must name whatever it is I've set out to describe here as the "loss-of-knowledge state."

It is a particular moment in your life when all of a sudden you lose your ability to communicate. The change occurs all of a sudden and can usually last for several days or a few weeks. For no apparent reason, your oral (not written) communication skills seem to hit rock-bottom, and you are almost completely inarticulate if not mute. You open your mouth but what comes out are random words, because in your head you can't string coherent or at least meaningful sentences.

While this loss-of-knowledge state lasts, you are powerless and have no control over the situation. No matter how hard you try to concentrate, it seems impossible to express complex thoughts such as opinions, observations or personal emotions. In extreme cases, articulating simple thoughts such as questions or commands can also prove difficult. The loss-of-knowledge state is so overpowering, that you often have no choice but to wait until it is over.

I call it loss of knowledge because I'm referring to one's knowledge of words and of speech. Your capacity for oral speech is momentarily disabled. It usually occurs when you are going through a particularly stressful period in your life, which is best captured by the Spanish concept of "nervios" -- an emotional state characterized by stress and anxiety. If you're thinking that being dumbfounded after a stressful day in the office (because you had an argument with your boss and embarrassed yourself during a presentation) constitutes a loss-of-knowledge state, then you don't get what I mean. Because I'm referring to something worse. Loss of knowledge occurs when two weeks have passed since that stressful day, your boss has given you a salary raise, your presentation has been praised by clients, and yet all of a sudden you find yourself incapable of coherent speech.

The closest comparison I can think of is a writer's block. However, I'm not talking about the few moments or hours wherein a writer can't seem to hit upon the opening sentence of his article. That's a petty kind of writer's block and must not cause worry. The loss-of-knowledge state is closer to a phase in which a writer is totally rendered incapable of producing any writing and has to wait for a few months or even years before his new piece comes out. Thus, I'm talking about a more profound and persistent kind of block.

Those who speak foreign languages are most prone to fall into this loss-of-knowledge state. All of a sudden, they can't communicate in the foreign language they supposedly know.

A couple of years back, shortly before leaving Japan, I felt I went through such horrible experience. Towards the end of my stay, my Japanese-speaking skills diminished almost to a ZERO-level. I couldn't construct complex and meaningful sentences. I could understand what people were telling me, and yet I couldn't shoot back with meaningful answers. For no apparent reason, I was limited to simple sentence constructions like "I see," "certainly," "really?" etc.

Right now I have reason to believe that I've slipped back into this loss-of-knowledge state. I feel that I'm losing my knowledge of Spanish! A few weeks ago, I was at the supermarket and no matter how hard I squeezed my brains out, I couldn't figure out whether plastic bags were called "bolso" or "bolsa." These days what comes out of my mouth are simple sentences with one subject and one predicate, and I can't seem to construct longer sentences that use relative pronouns such as that, which, who, whom, etc. It's as if I hadn't studied Spanish and lived here for two years!

Whenever you're trapped in the loss-of-knowledge state, your best bet is to simply continue talking to a lot of people no matter how dumb you might sound to them. The harder you try to overcome it, the more futile it seems to fight the thing. As for me, I think I am more curious than bothered by it.

In Filipino, there's an adage that goes "Hindi nananakaw ang talino." Which roughly means that knowledge can never be stolen from you. However, if what I'm saying is true, then momentarily at least knowledge can be taken away from you.

So, anyway, does anyone understand this post at all? Have you ever experienced this loss-of-knowledge state?

From Rosa Montero

I've been reading literature quite a lot lately, at least more than I used to since I graduated from college. The last book that I read, La Historia del Rey Transparente, was surprisingly like olive oil. It tastes good but you shouldn't take in too much of it. However, I stumbled upon a nice passage from the book which I would like to share. I'm not sure whether my translation captures the impact of the original, but here goes:

Los hombres suelen llamar destino a aquello que les sucede cuando pierden las fuerzas para luchar.

(Men often call destiny that which befalls them when they lose the will to fight.)

Food for thought?

Japanese friends on honeymoon

This is Tomomi and Yasuaki. For those who are not familiar with Japanese names, Tomomi is a she and from there the rest is easy. I've known Tomomi for some seven years now through a cultural program in Tokyo which we both participated in. It turns out that she tied the knot with Yasuaki last May and they decided to come to Spain for a belated honeymoon. It was fun to see them again! I got to play Mr. Tour Guide -- as I always do whenever some friends happen to be around the area -- and invited the couple to have dinner in my flat. Modesty aside, I must compliment myself for not messing up the food this time. My culinary skills are above average under normal circumstances. Yet for some reason, something fails whenever I cook in volume. So I was surprised (and almost bewildered) when everything turned out fine last week, except for the steak which kind of came out rock-hard because it wasn't completely defrosted before frying. No matter how disastrous that sounds, I was actually delighted. I've hosted more embarrassing dinners in the past :--)